Sorry for the lame post about ignorancy.. having "PMS" on that time.. LOL
Yesterday night is really a struggle, I battled Satan all the way from midnight to 11 am. And the battles still continues...
It was over when I see you, Satan is completely casted out from me... haha... Loser!
And then went to church.. and I hear the Holy Spirit speaks to me, telling me that to have FAITH, and "lean not to [my] own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). And so I did, somewhat I spiritually strong during the worship.. Wow! I never had that strong before. =)
This verse, Proverbs 3:5 really meant to me and I know, many of you! In my previous life, I lived in my own way, not knowing that it's a Satanic way. The result is, I often quarrel with my parents, friends, ex, etc etc. I always think that they know nothing and I know everything, just because my scores are better them all of them -.-.
I'm a bad boy, I sometimes curse my parents too... (SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! =/). And once a tragic incident happens to me (not going to disclose it publicly), I felt I was stranded, nobody cares me, I felt, for the true first time, LONELY. It appears that everyone despises me, but finally, I came to realise that it's me who despises myself, couldn't believe that my own understanding is wrong. I was struggling to find the truth, and guess what I found? - Jesus Christ.
He teaches me many things, but Proverbs 3:5 really marks the turning point of my life. Don't mistaken that now I don't have my own stand, I do have. I have God's stand =)
The Satan that I mean here is - Vanity
However, this naughty little devil won't let me go that easy. And he came into me again in another form.
This time is he's stronger, and had controlled my heart at some moments. This feeling had led me to get emo unexpectedly. And of course, I throw it to her (sorry =/). As a result, my 1-year relationship dissolved slowly. AND IT DOES! I have no other choice, but to let go everything in order to achieve liberty, and finally, although losing her, Satan is lost again! This time, again, with the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I won again! Woohoo!!! Praise the Lord!!!
But...
Satan still got balls and guts to come and bother me again (very annoying right?). Still the same form. Although I had experience coping with it, I still can't. The emotions at one point still controls me. I prejudiced people that I shouldn't! And I shouldn't hate the one that I love, since love and hate can't be together. This has been going a very long time. And sometimes I just want to gave up everything. But I know it, from the reassurance from you, I know what's in you!
This gives me hope, and sometimes still, the emotions overcomed me, and the trust overcomed my emotions, and it repeats, periodically, with huge amplitudes. (You can't plot it in GC because it's way too big! XD)
Guess what? Jesus heard my cry, and so he planted "capacitor" to smoothen my emotions and to stabilize it (since when became electronics? -.-)
It was today, that I prayed strongly, strong in the spirit, and that's the moment I kick Satan's ball goodbye! :P
The form that I mean here is - Jealousy
END OF PERSONAL TESTIMONY.
So, let's talk about vanity and jealousy in general!
Vanity - A negative yet synonymous to pride. Most of us know though, in Pride and Prejudice, pride is what we think about ourselves and vanity refers to what others think about you. But most of the time, people see a proud person as vanity, so therefore, pride can be sometimes equal to vanity.
In order to avoid vanity, don't be proud in the first place. Here's a quote from the Great Book,
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (Proverbs 11:2)
But we can't live to be always think that we're inferior than others, aha.... here's another one.
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight" (Jeremiah 9:23-24)
So, what do you think? You can boast... Boast about the Lord! =)
Here's more (because I lazy to elaborate and Bible verses are more effective),
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share a plunder with the proud" (Proverbs 16:18-19)
"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom s found in those who take advice" (Proverbs 13:10)
"God guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way" (Psalm 25:9)
"God mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble" (Proverbs 3:34)
Jealousy - an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship (from Wikipedia.org) - I LOVE WIKIPEDIA! =3
Jealousy occurs mostly in relationships, but it can occur in other forms too.
According to Attachment Theory, relationships can be divided into four situations - secure, pre-occupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. (click to see it's definition, because I don't want to copy paste =/)
But to give you a clear picture of these, let's arrange it in terms of possiblities for deterioration of relationships in ascending order.
Secure, Dismissive-avoidant, Pre-occupied, Fearful-avoidant
Aha! The reason I highlighted pre-occupied is because it's a very common one, and Jealousy falls in this category. Even me too fall into it. I did a survey last time and it is calculated that I'm about 80% pre-occupied =/ (forgot which website liao.. soli... hehe)
Anyways, now that you have understand what is pre-occupied you can know where jealousy comes from. It's simple. You just think that your partner did not commit as much as you do and you feel that he or she don't love you back.
Ok, now that you have understand psychotic analysis of relationships, now let's turn back to the Great Book. (I'll will only refer to those who are in pre-occupied state)
"Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city" (Proverbs 16:32)
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace" (Ephesians 4:2-3)
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23)
"Be wise, and keep your heart on the right path" (Proverbs 23:19)
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Phillippians 4:6)
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:27)
Enough already gua...? Ok laaa.... one final one... and my most favourite verse =)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record on wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
So, do you really love?
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